The future looks bright

Oh dear. It's been a wild 24 hours, and I'll be honest, could anyone imagine a better way to ring in the first year of this administration? The celebration ran late into the night at the Family pad on C street--it was a good thing I'd already written my piece for the Journal before Coburn started slinging the victory mint juleps around. I ended up crashing at Dana's, and awoke terrified that the events of yesterday were the product of hangover-induced fantasies. I turned on the TV to a flood of relief: 52-47, just as I had left it. I added a couple of tea-bagger quotes to the Journal piece, and sent it off, making sure to cc Axelrod.

How can you not be giddy? The sun is shining, and there's only three more years before we can send O-bizzle back to Chicago and get back to work. Can't you smell it in the air? A month ago, I thought for sure we were on the verge of the Great Society Part Two. What a shitshow, right? But today, these pussy dems are practically apologizing to America for even attempting HCR. I mean, did you see the 180 that Barney Frank pulled? One of them even released a statement saying with 59 senators its now a mathematical impossibility to legislate without the Party of Freedom. It's a great day for Real America, and the future looks bright.

A few readers have tried telling me that I shouldn't be quite so smug, that this Brown guy is from Massachusetts after all, and he will turn on us like a rabid abused pit bull on some issues in his frantic bid to win over the Massholes for 2012. Bullshit, I say. I know all those guys, and I can guarantee that Inhofe, Ensign, and McConnell will personally beat the shit out of him in the Senate locker room like the freshman he is, until he gets in line. And they are very good at not leaving marks. Case in point, that Judas-goat Specter. You never saw a so much as a scrape on him, but I knew he was getting the treatment right up until he got in bed with those fairies. Which reminds me -- don't forget to donate to the Club for Growth!

But the best part of this whole thing is that my publisher has been absolutely giddy, talking about how he just made a down payment on a McMansion, and leased a new Audi. We were both getting discouraged that my book might come out at the worst possible time, with HCR passed, dems getting more popular, and most of my target audience still only halfway through Sarah's book. What a difference a day makes! My New Year's resolution for 2010 is to keep W's tax cuts alive--I shudder at the thought of losing 39.6% of this book deal.

One last thing...more than one reader has warned me about the risks of being labeled the party that denied health care to 30 million. Sound advice! But you need not worry, these folks don't vote anyway, and in a few years the problem will take care of itself. Until that point, I recommend constantly remarking that we found the real birth certificate, and it tells us that Big O is actually the illegitimate descendant of Lenin. I'm off for now, it's time to grease up the Fear Machine. We will fire it up soon.

- K